I have three children which makes me the don dada amongst my friends when it comes to anything baby including packing a hospital bag. So, without further adieu, I present to you the BEST hospital bag list known to man put together by me, the don dada of anything baby.
I don’t care what brand they are, just take them. Most hospitals if not all will give you the paper towels they have in the bathroom at public schools. Yes, those! The ones that look and feel like sand paper. A nurse will hand over a stack of those bad boys and let you have at it on your baby’s bum. Oh, they do suggest you wet them a little before each use but seriously, F that, take wipes. Will you be judged? Sure. Do you care? No. You and your partner are now Batman and Robin and whoever judges you for using wipes… Well, they can get a good pow and zing.
2. Breastfeeding Pillow
You. Must. Not. Forget. This. I just stopped using my breastfeeding pillow last month. Wait, no, not because I’m still breastfeeding but because it is the best desk for my laptop… I’m also guilty for using it as a tray for my breakfast, lunch and dinner. So versatile. The breastfeeding pillow will help you hold your baby up comfortably when feeding. Trust me, buy a breastfeeding pillow, love the breastfeeding pillow, take the breastfeeding pillow to the hospital.
Robes are more important than a gowns. If you plan to breastfeed, the hospital staff will provide you with a gown that I like to call the J.Lo option which has two massive holes where your boobs will conveniently sit or sag. I was in the hospital gown for almost 24 hours and after my c-section and after that I can’t remember what I was wearing or who was in the room but I can tell you I was fresh to death in my robes.
Judging by how she is cradling her v, she’s clearly about to have the baby like right now.
4. Flip Flops
Pick a color, any color. Add a pair of flip flops to your hospital bag. Leave the Havainas at home and take the cheapo flippos from Old Navy because things happen. Things will drip and things will leak and by things I mean you.
5. Maxi Pads
I’m talking ginormous maxi pads. Like with wings, a flight attendant and overnight protection type of pads. The ones that make you want to twirl like Julie Andrews in the opening scene of The Sound of Music. Sure, the hospital provides pads. So did the odd health teacher in middle school. You will think of me and thank me when you don’t have to use the hospital maxi pads.
6. Granny Panties
They are huge. They are also not attractive but they are the only apparatus on this planet that will hold that giant maxi pad in place (see number 5).
7. Body wash, Disposable luffa (loofah?) and a Command Hanger
After you have the baby, vaginal or via c-section, you are going to have to take a shower. The nurse will bring you towels the next day and in her sweetest voice will say, “Here are your towels for your shower today.” In other words what she is really is saying is, “Wash your dirty behind because I’m going to have to be all up in there in a little bit. mmmkay?” So, to piggy back on that also pack a good towel because while the hospital charges more than the Ritz, the towels provided are anything but plush.
The disposable luffa, loofah (how do you spell that word?), scrubby thingy can be hung on a command hanger so that it can dry after your shower. Once you are ready to go home, you can throw that ish out. Bye germs, bye!
8. Nail Clippers for Baby
Babies come out with claws. It is the gnarliest thing ever. How don’t they just scratch their way out of your body? Sick. Anyway, take nail clippers to clip the baby’s nails.
Here I am giving my little man his first mani/pedi.
9. BB cream
I don’t see nothing wrong with a little bb cream. Why people get upset when women wear make up in labor and delivery is beyond me. You besta believe I had my under eye concealer, blush, mascara (waterproof) and gloss on when I was ready to go. What’s wrong with a little jeuge in your child’s first pictures? You may be high on some type of medicine but so what if it feels like everything is upside down in the room. You’ll look like this or at least think you do.
10. Neutral Polish
I had just painted my nails an obnoxious orange color right when I was about to pop and then, I got contractions. Ah! Forever pictures! Forever pictures! What’s going to happen when my son’s future partner is judging my orange nails when looking through his baby album? Just kidding. He’s my third child, he doesn’t have an album. So this doesn’t go in your hospital bag, so what. I must share this with my people.
Ballet Slippers by Essie is my favorite neutral.
11. Mow the lawn
Okay, this doesn’t go in your hospital bag but we need to address it. Look ladies, if you haven’t groomed that good girl the hospital staff is going to send a brave soul to get in there and do it for you. This isn’t a professional waxer either. It’s going to be a woman with a cup and a razor. They are going to get your girl red-to-go by any means necessary.
12. A Camera
Let your birth coach, baby daddy, baby momma, husband, wife, sister, brother or whatever you call the other person in the room with you hold onto the camera. This way, they can take pictures like this. This is the first time our family saw our son. They couldn’t take pictures of the baby but my husband was able to capture this shot of them.
13.Take Home Outfit for baby
Once the baby is here, no one cares what you are wearing. Take comfy pants or a maxi dress to the hospital. You want to be as comfortable as possible and will have amazing pain meds so pack your giant sunglasses and practice your Victoria Beckham pout for your hospital exit pictures.
If you can think of anything else that should be in the hospital bag, please feel free to comment below because even me, the don dada of anything baby can use some help sometimes. I just remembered dry shampoo but am honest to God way too lazy to explain why you should pack it so yeah, dry shampoo. t