I lie. I lie to sales associates all over the country. There is a flap of skin that has been ruling my life ever since I had my first c-section. I don’t remember the last time I saw my vagina. It’s somewhere under that flap. If I broke any guy’s heart in the past, this is the post that will make them feel good about our break up. This flap of skin sometimes creates a fake baby bump and when I’m shopping sans Spanx, I feel the need to prove myself to the sales associate and say, “I just had a baby” when my “baby” is almost 2 years old. Then they ask me how old my baby is, “Oh, just a few weeks.” “You look so good!” they say and of course I believe them. WTF is wrong with me? I have to have a little more confidence than that right? Lying to a sales girl about how old my baby is only so that she can tell me that I’m skinny or that I should be on the cover of US Weekly? What?! Well, motherhood has made me do some crazy things but technically, I’m not really lying when I say that my baby is just a few weeks old. I mean, “few” is in the eye of the beholder and who is to say that 98 weeks isn’t a “few” to some. So go ahead sales girl, tell me how great I look, I’ll take it!