My dirty little secret.

liarI lie.  I lie to sales associates all over the country.  There is a flap of skin that has been ruling my life ever since I had my first c-section.  I don’t remember the last time I saw my vagina.  It’s somewhere under that flap.  If I broke any guy’s heart in the past, this is the post that will make them feel good about our break up.  This flap of skin sometimes creates a fake baby bump and when I’m shopping sans Spanx,  I feel the need to prove myself to the sales associate and say, “I just had a baby” when my “baby” is almost 2 years old.  Then they ask me how old my baby is, “Oh, just a few weeks.” “You look so good!” they say and of course I believe them.  WTF is wrong with me?  I have to have a little more confidence than that right?  Lying to a sales girl about how old my baby is only so that she can tell me that I’m skinny or that I should be on the cover of US Weekly?  What?!  Well, motherhood has made me do some crazy things but technically, I’m not really lying when I say that my baby is just a few weeks old.  I mean, “few” is in the eye of the beholder and who is to say that 98 weeks isn’t a “few” to some.  So go ahead sales girl, tell me how great I look, I’ll take it!

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