Possessed by Ambien


Who knew that people who had trouble falling asleep like, every single night for the past 30+ years were insomniacs?  Who knew, right?

I went to see my doctor and we were trying to figure out what was going on with me.  After I explained to her that I go to bed at 8 or 9 and don’t fall asleep until about 3AM, she told me I was an insomniac.  Say what?  I had no idea, I just thought some people slept, some people did not.  I guess I should have also known that the ones that did not, were insomniacs.

My doctor decided to write me a prescription for Ambien.  I told her I didn’t want it because I didn’t want to end up dead like Heath Ledger (I really said that).  She assured me that I was on the smallest dose and that I was not going to die.  I went ahead and filled the prescription and decided that I would only take it if it was absolutely necessary that I catch some Zs.  The opportunity came and all hell broke loose.

I called my best friend even though she was sleeping over my house and was in the other room and told her to whistle up her son’s a-hole to help him with gas pains and just in case she didn’t remember, I also posted it on her Facebook page.  While we are on the subject of Facebook, I later decided to post a status on my timeline, something along the lines of Sheriff Callie taking the place of Lil’ Kim as the new bad ass bitch in my life.  Oh yeah, I went there.  I want to go on record and say that I have never been a Lil’ Kim fan.  Biggie?  Yes.  Lil’ Kim?  Never.  I then ate somewhere from 3-5 ice cream sandwiches and went into my mommy Facebook group to post a ton of gibberish.  There weren’t even any real words in my comments, it was as if I was a 12 year old texting, nothing made sense.

Ambien was a total possession of my body.  I wish I would have known all the crazy side effects prior to popping an Amby because then, I would have recorded it.  I have never taken Ambien again because it scared the crap out of me but I can say that my evening on the Ambien train was the most eventful evening I have had in over 8 years.  Thanks doc.


  1. HAHAHAHAH I love the Ambien side of you. It is sooooo awesome! You are always awesome, but that was like having a party with the most entertaining person on the planet! hahaha

  2. Ambien night was the best laugh in quite some time. Love ya

  3. Been there, done that! I Ambien texted my kids’ babysitter for two hours, had a deep conversation about our sex life with my husband, and yelled at the cast of Grey’s Anatomy. I think it’s best if I don’t sleep.

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