Who knew that people who had trouble falling asleep like, every single night for the past 30+ years were insomniacs? Who knew, right?
I went to see my doctor and we were trying to figure out what was going on with me. After I explained to her that I go to bed at 8 or 9 and don’t fall asleep until about 3AM, she told me I was an insomniac. Say what? I had no idea, I just thought some people slept, some people did not. I guess I should have also known that the ones that did not, were insomniacs.
My doctor decided to write me a prescription for Ambien. I told her I didn’t want it because I didn’t want to end up dead like Heath Ledger (I really said that). She assured me that I was on the smallest dose and that I was not going to die. I went ahead and filled the prescription and decided that I would only take it if it was absolutely necessary that I catch some Zs. The opportunity came and all hell broke loose.
I called my best friend even though she was sleeping over my house and was in the other room and told her to whistle up her son’s a-hole to help him with gas pains and just in case she didn’t remember, I also posted it on her Facebook page. While we are on the subject of Facebook, I later decided to post a status on my timeline, something along the lines of Sheriff Callie taking the place of Lil’ Kim as the new bad ass bitch in my life. Oh yeah, I went there. I want to go on record and say that I have never been a Lil’ Kim fan. Biggie? Yes. Lil’ Kim? Never. I then ate somewhere from 3-5 ice cream sandwiches and went into my mommy Facebook group to post a ton of gibberish. There weren’t even any real words in my comments, it was as if I was a 12 year old texting, nothing made sense.
Ambien was a total possession of my body. I wish I would have known all the crazy side effects prior to popping an Amby because then, I would have recorded it. I have never taken Ambien again because it scared the crap out of me but I can say that my evening on the Ambien train was the most eventful evening I have had in over 8 years. Thanks doc.