When in Jersey…

220x220_1233887219186-sunsettanlogo“Spread your legs and bend over”.  So, I went spray tanning for the very first time in my life today.  I know, I have lived in Jersey for some years now and this should be part of my routine but I’ve been afraid to end up orange so I have stood away, that is until now.  I went shopping for more of my favorite chino shorts from J.Crew and when I bent over in the fitting room to do what I call the “mom check” (because we bend over for our kids more than a stripper trying to make it rain for her college tuition), I saw something…  Cellulite.  It was everywhere.  Since I am the laziest person in the world when it comes to exercise, I knew that there had to be something else I could do.  I researched and by that I mean asked my mom friends and they directed me to a spray tan.
I booked an appointment with Sunset Tan and explained to the woman on the other side of the phone call that this was my very first time doing this.  She went through a list of things I had to do to prep: close shave, no lotion, wear dark clothes, no shower for 8-12 hours and that moms usually go early in the morning so that they could shower in the evening.  Say what?  So this is a thing for moms?  Why did I not get the memo?  Why have I not been invited to these spray tanning get togethers?  F story time at Barnes and Nobles, someone get me an invite to this kind of party.
I went ahead and prepped and realized that I did not own anything that is black and made of cotton so of course, I had to go shopping.  I will probably go down in history as the girl that went shopping for a spray tanning outfit and I’m okay with that. The day came and I took my two daughters for moral support.  I walked into Sunset Tan and instantly felt as if I was in a cool nightclub. Too cool for me to be in there, that’s for sure.  Deep purple walls, sparkle, white leather sofas and 3 beautiful girls behind the counter.  WTF was I doing there with my daughters and my Old Navy spray tanning outfit?  The staff was very welcoming and directed me to my room where I was to be sprayed.  I got to work with Lexy who has seen parts of me in good lighting that I don’t even think my gynecologist has seen.  She showed me a disposable thong that they provided as well as a shower cap just in case I wanted to cover my hair.  This is when I realized that I was going to be 1/2 naked.  I thought about what my mom friend said, “I put my arms in the air so I don’t get a line under my boobs but I think every spray brush girl gives different instructions. I figure I’m not the best looking, nor am I the worst looking person they’ve seen, so I just go for it!”  and then I just went for it.  I took off my bra, my daughters laughed at me and I pressed the call button, “I’m ready!”.  Lexy (also the cutest woman alive) came in and assured me that she had seen EVERYTHING working there and got to spraying.  My daughters kept giggling and I’m sure this is something that this experience will be embedded in their brains forever, “remember that time that mom got spray tanned?”.  Then as I was getting my boobs sprayed, Lexy asked me to do a high V.  You see, I’ve been a cheer mom for exactly a year now and know exactly what a high V is.  As Lexy continued spraying my boobs I learned that she used to cheer at the same gym that my daughters currently cheer for.  That’s right, Lexy and I have not only been more intimate than I have been with my husband for months but we are now part of the same cheer family.
I purchased a spray tanning bundle and left Sunset Tan feeling sticky, dirty and most of all, tanned.  Sayonara cellulite and hello to my new world as an official tanned Jersey girl or mom, whatever.

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