Guilty!

Mom_guilt
My mother and I went out to lunch, we began talking about the difficulties of being a woman and she looked at me straight in the face and said, “I feel like I have failed you all as a mother.”  Now, I wasn’t sure if I should pity her, be highly offended that she was looking straight at me as she was saying this OR if I should sprinkle some Zoloft into her coffee.  Instead of any of those options, I laughed in her face.  It was insane for me to hear my mother who I have seen as an inspiration for many years question herself at this stage in the game.  I mean, she’s not perfect, she did ask me to please stop hugging her in public and to loosen the apron strings (on myself) when I was 12 or 13 because people were going to start believing that I was her gay lover.  Most hurtful thing ever by the way.  Like the 13 year girl that I was a long, long, long, very long, time ago, I am still very attached to my mother.  We talk every day, we fight every day but we also enjoy each other’s company.  That has to be a good sign of her parenting!  I don’t know many women who actually enjoy going to 6 Home Goods in one day with their mother.  I also don’t know many women who would love to live on the same street as their mother.  Why on earth would she doubt herself?  The proof is in the pudding!
I am not sure if I’m a great mother but what I do know is that sitting across a woman who has been a mother for over 44 years and seeing her have guilt of what if’s made me even more secure of my way of parenting.  I know I am doing the best I can.  I know that there is nothing more I can do for my family.  I make sacrifices every day.  I lose my mind every day but never do I question if I’m doing the “right” thing or not, I know I am.  None of us are perfect and the truth is this f’ng sucks.  There are a lot of stressful moments between the newborn photo shoot and the first day of pre-school that we never see or hear about.  One second you feel an unreal type of love for your children, seconds later you secretly hate them a little and 3 seconds after that are swooning again.  It doesn’t matter how much you stress yourself out with guilt because a long, long, long, very long time from now, you will sit across your 30-something year old daughter as she laughs in your face for not feeling like you were ever good enough.  Whether you work outside of the home or are a stay at home mom, both positions suck.  All mothers are crying on a toilet at some point.  It can be because your child’s school called saying that he has a super high fever and you must pick him up BUT you can’t because you have a meeting you NEED to attend or it can be because you have a child with a super high fever who will. not. stop. crying.  You see, it just sucks all around.  So, instead of feeling guilt or questioning your parenting, remember to ride this roller coaster with your eyes wide open and both arms in the air, take lots of pictures and realize that no matter how hard you try or guilt yourself, they will still end up in therapy and blame all their problems on you.  Cheers!

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