8 years deep and it’s still hard to shake the Manhattan party girl out of my soul. She’s in there somewhere and when listening to the old school at noon in her biker jacket is quickly humbled when she is rolling deep only not in a cadillac truck with her friends in the back but in a minivan with her 3 children which really means 10 children in New York talk.
Here 10 confessions from an NYC party girl turned mom.
1. First thing’s first, I’m momma, pop all the babies. You quickly and furiously change the station on your radio when dropping your kids off at the car pool. Crap! Crap! Why can’t chatty helicopter mom take long at drop off today? Biggy Smalls is playing? 95.5 WPLJ here we come. 🙁
2. When you see your little cousin is basically famous on Instagram, you’re all like, “Girrrrl, if Instagram existed when I was young…”
3. When looking through your college pictures and the insane things you wore, you’re all like, “Thank GOD who is in heaven that Instagram or any social media was non-existent when I was young.”
4. When your college jam comes on Spotify (in my case on 90s and 00s radio) you reminisce about a time of using your two secret weapons to skip club lines and get free drinks all night. Little did you know what the real purpose of those secret weapons were #liquidgold
5. You still have friends who are living the party life and whenever you and your other ex-party girlfriends get together. You talk about her and say lies like, “she just doesn’t know the meaning of life yet.” When what you are really thinking is, “Dear Jesus, if I could only have 5 minutes to go back and realize how good I had it.”
6. When said friend finally bites the dust becomes pregnant, you and your other friends celebrate!
7. Then comes the pregnancy. When your ex-party girlfriend tells you she isn’t using deodorant or doesn’t plan on using a microwave for the baby’s food even though she has a wireless network at home and sits at a desk with all sorts of waves going around her and her unborn fetus, you wonder why you were ever friends to begin with because she is telling you this from her cell phone. Girl, bye!
8. And then, when she finally has her baby and her baby won’t sleep through the night or turns into an a-hole child, you react like this.
9. Okay, enough about those friends. Ex-party girls are well trained for sleepless nights. This newborn phase ain’t ish for us. A red bull and Advil in the morning and we are good. to. go.
10. The truth is there are no other better mom friends than ex-party girls. What other group of friends hold a master key to your most wildest club experiences? Hid you when the guy you were dating at the time showed up at the same club you were at (while you were dancing with someone else)? And finally, held your hair when you were hurling over a toilet and then bought some mints from the bathroom lady, spruced you up and got you back on that dance floor without any judgement. That is why we all stick together and when another one of us bites the dust, we are honest with what motherhood is going to bring.
Cheers to my fellow ex-party girls! May we know them, may we have been them, may we raise them.